Note: This article contains satirical elements.
Joe Biden pardoned his son (who he says did nothing wrong) for sins going back over 10 years. Hunter has apparently not been doing anything wrong for a long time.
Then Joe Biden jetted off to Africa, presumably to see about the money he sent to that Nigerian prince after hearing that he was wronged on an email.
When Joe returned, he checked to see if Hunter needed any more pardons for crimes he committed while “the big guy” was gone. Hearing of none, he got back to business as usual: shoveling taxpayer money out the door to NGOs that will give it back to the Democrat Party in nefarious ways.
The Democrats are also sending more money to Ukraine and/or any war that pleases the defense industry. Leaving no doubt, the fully funded Raytheon/Lockheed Joe Biden Presidential Library and Memory Care Center will be opening in Delaware in 2025.
The Clinton Presidential Library appropriately features a stripper pole and a two-drink minimum. The Biden Presidential Library will make sense, too: none of the elevators will go to the top floor.
Having just returned from an event in Washington, D.C., I can tell you that the atmosphere there is odd. Entrenched bureaucrats know a new sheriff is coming to town. I would love to own a paper shredding company in D.C. now.
Buildings remain empty. D.C. is dead. Even today only 6% of federal workers report in person on a full-time basis. So, 94% are still “remote.” This shows how important their jobs are. In our next war, our military generals and soldiers plan on ham-handedly interfering with the affairs of another country entirely from home. FBI management has been forced to plan the next three Trump assassination attempts from home via Zoom.
Do not worry. The FBI and NSA can still monitor all of us. And just a favor, NSA: I Ubered home loaded the other night and misplaced my car keys. Where did I put them?
The feds were able to leak to The New York Times an email from Pete Hegseth’s mother from 2018 they just happened to have. But there is still no word on the Epstein Island list of Democrat pedophiles. It is the only secure document in D.C.
Kash Patel should help straighten out a lot of this when he heads the FBI. He got his name because he never uses credit cards.
The feds are crawling all over monitoring us. The authorities have so many pictures of Luigi Mangione, who murdered the CEO of United Healthcare, that they seem to have done a photo shoot in NYC. His Netflix bio pic shots are almost complete. All that is left is tying him to the Republican Party.
New York officials did not have Luigi on their suspect list. He was caught in a small town in Pennsylvania, identified by an ordinary citizen at a McDonald’s. Burger King responded with an ad: Burger King, we don’t snitch.
NYC’s Alvin Bragg, Letitia James, and our feds are sending a very stern and clear signal to New York murderers: you can come here, shoot a man in front of witnesses and cameras, and flirt with our hotel desk clerks. And you must eventually skedaddle out of town, Mister, but not before you rent a bike and visit Central Park and then wait at the Port Authority Bus Station for a long time.
Just don’t borrow money from one of our banks 20 years ago and pay it back on time with interest. Nor even think about protecting subway riders by holding a man down who is threatening passengers. You will be dragged through an expensive trial. New York takes that seriously.
If you are an illegal alien in New York and rob or assault someone, there could be severe consequences! You could be asked to pay for your own mini-bar charges at the Roosevelt Hotel, and you will only get a coach airline ticket to your next sanctuary city.
The privileged kid who shot the healthcare CEO is an all-too-familiar story. Granddad made a lot of money; Luigi is third generation entrusted to liberal elite prep schooling and then the Ivy League, where he was indoctrinated with a left-wing hatred for capitalism and a sense of entitlement.
Luigi modeled himself after another Ivy League killer, Ted Kaczynski (the “Unabomber”), who died in 2023. The Unabomber’s estate is still not settled because no one will unseal his Will.
Ron Hart is a libertarian op-ed humorist, an award-winning author, and a frequent guest on TV and radio. He can be contacted at Ron@RonaldHart.com or @RonaldHart on Twitter.
The views and opinions expressed in this commentary are those of the author and do not reflect the official position of the Daily Caller.
This article was originally published at dailycaller.com
