Libs Are Blasting Pete Hegseth For His Tattoos. Have They Not Looked In A Mirror Lately?

Would I ever get a Jerusalem cross on my chest or “We The People” on my forearm? No, of course not. I would look like a complete goon. Neither would liberals. But let’s imagine the kinds of tattoos Democrats and our favorite cable news personalities would get if they were so inclined. Rumor has it that many of the most prominent figures in politics and media have already taken the plunge and received their permanent ink. (Click HERE to sign up for Mr. Right’s weekly newsletter)

Ka-ma-la

We all know Kamala Harris was drowning her sorrows with wine after her loss to Donald Trump. Heavy pours. I wouldn’t be shocked if she’s been polishing off at least two bottles of Whispering Angel rosé per day since early November. She might’ve been mixing wine with something more potent, say, edibles. If she were to get a drunken (and/or crossfaded) tattoo, there’s only one design befitting a corporate girl boss of her stature: the classic blue butterfly, a symbol of beauty, rebirth, and transformation. (Stream Daily Caller’s latest documentary ‘Cleaning Up Kamala’ HERE)

Mayor Pete

Pete Buttigieg is a lover and logistics man, first and foremost. But he also loves trains. He’s a trains guy. He loves taking long train rides and short ones, too. I have a sneaking suspicion Mayor Pete has the outline of a black heart on his wrist, to indicate that he wears his heart on his sleeve, and a much larger Thomas the Tank Engine tattoo on his lower back that appears to be chugging along down south. 

Russia Rachel 

Rachel Maddow, what a gal! Rachel is crazy about all things Russian. And in all likelihood, she still believes the Kremlin has microchipped Donald Trump’s brain and turned him into Putin’s little puppet. For someone as infatuated with the words “collusion,” “dossier” and “Steele” as her, it’s only fitting she would get the entire Steele Dossier — and I mean the entirety, every last salacious, baseless detail against Trump — neatly printed on her back in a typewriter font.

The highly decorated and honorable retired U.S. Army Lieutenant Colonel, Alexander Vindman 

Alexander Vindman, one of Ukraine and the Deep State’s favorite dancing monkeys, is said to have a tattoo of his beloved and dear leader, Volodymyr Zelenskyy, on his chest. He also has small, tasteful sunflower tattoos up and down both his arms. The sunflower is a cherished symbol in Ukraine and has been adopted as a sign of global resistance to Russia and Putin. Such a brave tattoo, so courageous.

Sandy Cortez

According to legend, when Sandy Cortez was attending Boston University — yes, she somehow got a college degree — she and her fellow pinko communists all got matching Che Guevara tattoos at a parlor in Dorchester, the working man’s neighborhood. Notably, the tattoos were in red ink. Not black, red. They said it was an act of collective rebellion against the capitalist oppressors, and I believe them.

Mr. Potato Head

Lovingly known as “Jeff Zucker’s water boy,” Brian Stelter was devastated when CNN president Jeff Zucker resigned in 2022. You can almost picture the CNN newsroom the day Zucker called it quits — it must’ve been like the iconic scene from “Dead Poets Society,” when the students stand up on the desks as Robin Williams departs his classroom for the final time. “O Captain! My Captain!” Stelter shouted out as he struggled to lift himself onto the top of his desk to catch one final glimpse of the man, the myth, the CNN legend. It is rumored that on the very same day Zucker resigned, Stelter walked to a dirty tattoo parlor in the Lower East Side and got a giant heart with Zucker’s name inside on his left bicep. “It’s perfect,” he apparently whispered to the tattoo artist.

Big Bomber Bolton

Heeeeere’s Johnny!

John Bolton, America’s favorite mustached, draft-dodging warmonger, is said to have a giant tattoo of a bomb on his thigh. He is also considering an even bigger tattoo, some photo-realistic ink of Major Kong from “Dr. Strangelove” riding the nuke down to his glorious demise. If our lame duck president, Joe Biden, manages to drag America into a third world war, Bolton has promised to get Biden’s full name, including the middle one,” Robinette,” inked on his butt. That’s how much war, death and destruction mean to Big Bomber Bolton.

This article is satire.